Perception and Reality Part II

I know that everyone is interested to see how Hawaii went and what I'm going to decide. At this time, I pretty much am deciding against Hawaii. I'm sure your reaction is "WHY?" Who wouldn't want to live in tropical paradise?! Last week I made a list of "pros and cons" posted in the previous blog. Reasons why and why I shouldn't move out to Hawaii. That was the beginning of all the thinking (long and hard may I mention) and decision making.

Well, does there always have to be reasons and explainations for decisions you make? Sure, there always will be, but why do they have to be given? I feel that I always have to justify why I do things and the answer "just because" isn't good enough for others. So, I guess I will give you a few, although it may not seem satisfying, but they are good enough for me.

I had four interviews that went well, but a couple of the jobs I'm not sure I would even consider doing if I was offered them. I had only one company that sounded appealing with the kind of work I would like to do. I went, I saw, and I did what I would do if I lived here, and I just didn't like it. It wasn't what I imagined it would be. I know I would adjust just fine, its amazing how fast a human can adapt to whatever situation they are in. Its not the posh and glam life of the tourist on vacation, though. Its not what you see when you come to just visit or what might be shown on TV or in movies. I hate to sound judgemental and snobby, but I don't really want to live in a place that is often referred to as a 3rd world country with a lot of poverty. Maybe I should've seen it coming, maybe I should've known better, but I didn't. I wanted to try to follow a dream I had, so I did. I didn't want my dreams to just be dreams. If I didn't at least try to see what it would be like, I would always hold some sort of regret and always have that "what if" feeling of wonder.

However, I really don't believe this dream is meant to come true right now. It just doesn't feel right, and I don't long to be there as I used to before I went. Maybe its the timing, maybe its just not for me right now. I'm not regreting going to Hawaii to try to follow my dreams, though. I'm really proud of myself actually. It took a lot to just go out there and find out what it would be like. But, the longer I was out there, the more I realized how great I had it at home. I appreciate all that I actually do have a lot more than I used to. The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence - or in the middle of the Pacific - but at least I tried, and that is all that matters.